Motherhood
by TortoisetheStoryteller
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi's mother reflects on his life and her choice to give him up.


**Obi-Wan Kenobi belongs to Disney. I am not Disney.**

**Dedicated to all the mothers whose children were not with them yesterday.**

**Un-betaed poem by an inexperienced poet below. Read at your own risk.**

Motherhood

by TortoisetheStoryteller

I love you, my son,

but I let you go. I knew I couldn't

teach you what you needed to know.

When the Jedi Master

came to pick you up, I held back

my tears until he left, then cried for hours,

Owen watching wide-eyed.

I watched Owen grow older,

helped him with school;

watched him learn his life skills,

and I grieved that I would not watch

you do the same.

I scoured the Holonet for information

about the Jedi

and how they raised their children.

When you turned thirteen,

I made a huge cake and put

your name on my alerts list.

Now you would turn up as a Padawan.

I longed to know how you were doing.

It was two long years

before I saw your name;

a minor report about a successful mediation. But who

is this Qui-Gon Jinn who is teaching you?

Is he kind? Does he treat you the way you deserve?

Will he teach you to be a strong and upright man?

Can he possibly love you

the way your father and I do?

Looking back, I see three other articles

that mention Qui-Gon Jinn.

Were you there too? A silent presence by his side?

Over the years, I watch the list of saved articles grow

longer as you and your Jedi Master go on more missions.

Many only mention Qui-Gon Jinn,

but I think you are there with him.

Owen also watches my list grow longer.

I hope he is not jealous. His holostills

are all over the house, but I am still waiting

for a clear one of you.

Can't those camdroids get a good shot?

That's what they're designed for, isn't it?

My clear shot comes

when you are twenty-five.

You saved Naboo

and lost your Master.

You are so solemn, my son.

No smiles, no tears. Cry for him,

as I cried when your father died. The pain lessens in time.

Who is this young boy, this Anakin Skywalker

who stands so near you? The reporters say

that he is a ward of the Jedi.

Why do they let such a young boy

enter such a dangerous situation?

Not for the first time,

I wonder about the wisdom of my choice.

When I hear that this boy is your Padawan,

I put his picture up next to Owen's daughter's.

Such a bright little girl, your niece. I

wish you could meet her. You would love her,

as I would love your Anakin.

Over the years, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker

go on many, many missions,

and there are likely more that never make the Holonet.

Why are you so busy, son?

How can you raise a boy while chasing pirates across the galaxy?

A child needs stability, routines, safety. At least you had breaks

between the times when you appeared in the 'Net.

When the Clone Wars

start, you are right in the middle

of things. My heart

is in my throat nearly all the time now.

Owen is fighting as well,

I don't want to loose both my sons!

I scan every headline for your name,

or that of the 212 Attack Battalion,

your men.

Are you a good general, my son?

Do you care for your troops?

Do you mourn them when they die?

Why are you fighting?

What makes the Separatists so evil

that you cannot work things out?

I hear of your Padawan's knighting,

and I rejoice. I would send

a gift, but you would not receive it.

I cannot tell you or show you

that I love you. I can only know

it deep in my heart.

The media has given you the name

of The Negotiator.

Your father would be so proud.

They call your Padawan

The Hero With No Fear,

and it sends a shiver down my spine.

What sort of man has no fear?

Your Padawan has a Padawan now.

That little Togruta - so young to fight! - is my first

great-grandchild by only three months. And yet,

by several years as well.

Her picture joins yours on the wall.

My Jedi children.

You're on the Jedi Council now.

I'm so proud of you.

I wish I could sit down with you

for a cup of caf.

What do you do all day,

sitting so high in the air with

so many wise beings?

What wisdom have you gained,

to be included so young?

When the war ends,

when the Jedi tried to overthrow the government,

I weep. Why, my son?

You spent your life protecting the Republic.

I gave you up to serve and protect the Republic.

And now the Chancellor is saying

that members of your

Order tried to kill him.

Did you die quickly?

Who killed you?

Why did you break your mother's heart?

Owen is back, but I am grieving still.

I lost my Jedi children that day.

Why did all this happen?

What went so wrong so fast?

Now the word is out that Jedi are evil.

Did I do the right thing, letting you go?

The stormtroopers are pressing

harder each day, arresting non-humans

and "traitors." Can it be

that the Empire is wrong?

Were the Jedi really evil?

Owen asked me to take down

the holos of my

Jedi children today.

He says it isn't safe to display them.

They are sitting in a box under my bed,

waiting for the day people realize

that the Empire was wrong.


End file.
